Day 137

I didn’t mean to.

I mean,…it wasn’t an accident per say. But I didn’t mean to. Really.

Im drunk in public.

But I have nothing better to do. Besides its going to take over an hour to walk home, and I’m much more self entertaining this way.

For now Im in a library if that makes it any better.Its my new hot spot. I just came back from lunch with Lila. We went to the Chinese place. I didn’t feel like eating MSG today so I ordered a bottle of wine instead. Lila looked at me like, really? your really just going to drink a bottle for lunch. I didn’t see what the big deal was. It was a Tempranillo, and not the best, but easy enough to drink and 5 Euros. A free shot of whiskey came with the ‘meal’ and I don’t even drink whiskey.  The Chinese guy asked me if I wanted an alcoholic shot or a non alcoholic shot. What kind of question is that? The reply was an obvious one.

Besides after today’s classes I needed to drink heavily. The Spanish educational system really works me up sometimes. But seriously works me up. I left school today pissed. Without writing a novel let me just say that the children were taught nothing, nor encouraged in any sort of way to peruse any sort of higher educational achievements. I was asked my opinion on one occaion which resulted in nothing. It just angers me when potential is blatantly wasted.

We left the Chinese place and walked on the beach together and people watched. We indulged ourselves with some ice creams and commented on all the elderly people we observed. Its amazing to walk a full 30 mins and not see 1 person who could pass for under 50 years old. It doesn’t bother us. I mean it does, but it doesn’t. Lila made a funny comment about how the beach reminds her of Baywatch. I swear the things people say in reference to the states sometimes crack me up. Torrox in my opinion is nothing like baywatch. In anyway. Not even something as simple as the sand is the same. Ha. The thought of it made me laugh out loud for a good 3 minutes. Could have been the wine though.Maybe.

Talking to Lila makes me think of age, as something strange for me. In a way I welcome it,…and in a way I’m afraid of it. It makes me uncomfortable to think that someday I’ll have to face aches and pains. I see the way the old people look at me and it makes me uncomfortable, they look at me as if they are remembering what it was like when they were my age, like they envy me in a way…but in a way impossible for me to understand completely.

I just got a dirty look and a shhhhhhh for laughing too loud.

Nobody understands me today. Thats what it results in.

I think the hour and a half walk up the side of a mountain to get home might do me some good.

I don’t feel like going home yet, but the library closes soon. I might have something to look forward to soon though. I was walking home yesterday afternoon and I saw the same shaggy faced guy I see every now and a then on the bus. I met him once. It was at the plaza, during the festival of ‘las migas’ in Torrox. I was completely in a different state of mind at the time….I hadn’t been planning on going out but Lila called me last minute and I dragged myself out of the house.

Miguel is his name. He remembered my name, Esperanza….from one time over 2 months ago. I felt bad I hadn’t remembered his. I had remembered that he worked for the radio. He was one of the first people in Torrox I noticed. He looks under 40. That catches my attention. I can’t really guess his age though. He wears a shaggy beard, and a little extra weight. If I closed my eyes and listened to his voice I’d guess he was 60 from his gruff smokey voice. He has beautiful light eyes.

So I saw him. Sitting waiting at the bus stop. I wasn’t at all shy and just marched up and said hi. Luckly for me I was looking cute that day, and lucky for me he remembered who I was. I didn’t chit chat much with him but went straight to the point.

He works at the radio.

I want to volunteer at the radio.

I’d do anything.

I’d love to run and get them coffee. Clean their bathrooms. Translate things.


He sad he’d talk to a few people and get back to me, there might be an opening for me he said. And the fact that Im not looking for money is good he said. Thats ok. I understand everyone here is in crisis.

I think its a good sign that he remembers me and I’m hoping that will work in my advantage and maybe I’ll be spending some time in the radio station in the near future.

Fingers crossed.

Well speaking of present. I gotta run. I’m getting sick of people looking at me. Hasn’t anyone ever read a funny book before? Don’t they laugh and smile in Spain???


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