Day 177

After 2 weeks of nonstop togetherness I almost wanted her gone.

That being said that I enjoyed her company very much and am grateful for everything she gave and did for me.

Despite the lack of sleep the night before which caused a BLAH of emotion inside me, I think the two or three tears I shed for her departure were genuine. No. I know they were. Its funny I told her,..and I meant it. I felt like I was being left behind at the airport. The whole time Lori,…or mi amiga “my friend” as everyone who met us referred to her as (I guess its a combo us not looking related enough and her looking young and I old?? No…I look like I act mature. That must be it. Then maybe she looks like she acts immature? No…she looks young. Just that. )… even I lost my place after that tangent…. so I’ll repeat without interruptions. The whole time Lori was around it felt like a strange vacation. Like we had picked this destination to venture off to together, and soon we’d be heading back to GB together again. Something like that. Although my life in GB seems so long ago now, with her being with me it was like having it back again, or more that I would return to it. Almost.

We had a good time.

Ha. I hate that question, after a long trip,..”How was it?”

How do you answer something like that?

We had a good time.

OK. I made the mistake of having some expectations beforehand- that were never completed, perhaps leading to moments of disappointment/frustration, and we had some tense moments…but I’m certainly in no position to complain or bitch and all said and done it really was good, more good than not so good. So much happened I’m not even going to try to talk about it. I tried my hand and making some videos, to document the experience for her. I’m in the editing process. I plan on posting the end results on here,..it easier to show than to put things into words. But that takes some time.

But she’s gone now, so I have lots of time once again.

And silence.

I had missed the silence I had enjoyed alone. Sometimes she broke it, and it disturbed me. But then I become accustomed to it, and now I have to settle back into silence.

I don’t have the internet in my home anymore.

She only left a few hours earlier today and already I feel lonely. But maybe its just because I’m tired. I’ll get used to it again.

I think I might buy my plane ticket home tomorrow. Not because I’m homesick. I’m not. Of Course I miss people though…but because I think its time to do so.

I like having a start and end to things. I like to look forward to things. I like to plan for things.

The bar is closing now…but I don’t feel ready.

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